fantasy

A few fantasy rules for those unlucky enough to (not) have friends in the interweb*/sports department.

1. always name your team something funny.
2. the funnier you think your name is the less funny other people think it is, so give props to the guy with the worst name in your league.
3. always pick your favorite player, or you will be destined to remind yourself to root for him when he is playing against you.
4. never root against your favorite team/player, even if their victory results in fantasy loss.
5. beating your opponent is good, but talking smack from day 1 to the end of the season is more important.
6. find a way to get news on your phone, and if possible pick players up via your phone. i remember when shawn alexander got hurt and i wasn't able to get to a computer to pick up maurice morris in time.
7. make allies. you never know when you are going to need some help.
8. also make enemies. if everyone is your friend, it doesn't feel as good to give them the beat down. lead pipe style.
9. don't just think about drafting a specialty team- do it. you could have a lot of fun with an all white basketball team, or an all international team. in football you could have only guys with long hair, or beards. don't make this your main team, b/c you won't win anything, but it must be done.
10. i can't over stress talking shit. just lay it on thicker than the bond between Batman and solitude. if you lose- talk shit, if you win talk, and if you talk shit, talk shit to everyone.
**11. always guarantee victory.


*fuck yes firefox spell checker- you better learn the word 'interweb'
**IMPORTANT!- this rule is only for advanced players. and also beginning players.