the xmas effect*

it is 6:05 and i've been awake for an hour.

my dad and were at a dynamo game. then we went to the bar. he got a beer, but i didn't want one. i just wanted to get home. "it" would be there soon. he senses my impatience and downs the beer, pawning the empty bottle off on some newb's table. We go home (to the burned house) and sit in my room (my room from my mom's house). I secretly put the free ipod touch in Josephine's backback. Then I drive out to the FedEx place and it is suddenly 10:30 at night. I convince the person working the night shift to get my package. He/she whatever is a Mac person, so all I had to do was mention what was in it. I get home and gather an excited dad and a reluctant Josephine. Like I do with any package, I open the box with a knife and extreme care and delicacy. There wrapped in the now useless foam is the laptop I've been wanting for... ever? I begin to turn it on and then jerk my hand back- first the power cord! Whew... Dad plugs it in. Then I power it on. I go through the "welcome" screens, entering in my name, the date and such.

Then it goes to shit. Instead of looking at the screen now, the three of us are looking at the closed laptop, with its Dell-like case. Black and grey, with a tag on it that I recognize from the oldest (and shittiest) laptop from work. I turn it over and feel the huge bulk of the ugly, thick piece of crap.
Josephine asks why it looks like a Dell, like a Windows machine.



oh. such. anger.



I immediatly throw open the top and search frantically in the reboot menu. "There must be a way to boot it in Mac's OS X!" After a few trys the creeping aknowledgement stops creeping and starts wailing. I am Noriega and it is Panama. I search Twitter but find no help.

fin.


It is now 6:18. I've been awake for over an hour.
After that dream was over I tried to go back to sleep, but worse than that, it took me a few minutes to realize that it was a dream. Dark depression was only lifted when I realized that I had, slightly, the need to get up and goto the bathroom. "Bathroom?" I thought "I didn't need to goto the bathroom in my dream....... OH! it was a dreeeeaaammm!!!! Sweet...... fuck. Now I have to wait for like 7 fucking hours before it actually comes. And it better not be a fucking Dell."

Sleep was impossible at that point and I vowed to post this little epic before it became only the billionth dream lost to the forgetfullness of the night.



*the xmas effect referrs to when Josephine and I would wake up at 5am on xmas morning. We couldn't wake anyone up but our dad. And only him at like at least 6:30. We would lay there with giggles and butterflies until dad would let us upturn our stockings-quietly- onto the floor, making more and more noise as the minutes passed, so as to eventually wake the house.

dreams

Some cool dreams last night. Well one was weird. One was weirder.
First I dreamt that my room mate was mad at me and lots of yelling and he made me move out. I don't know what I had done, but it is the farthest thing from the truth that would ever happen. ** OH! I just remembered more. I didn't put these "water tablets" into the pet's water bowls. It made the room mates very unhappy.

Secondly, I had a dream that I had a little baby girl. It was a cool feeling and I remember being told that I had a daughter. The only thing I wanted to do with her was ride my bike to my dad's (now burnt) house. It took forfuckingever to get her ready and to hook up this walkie talkie system that helped me know if she was scared or not. Eventually we only rode to the park I grew up at. It is less than halfway. Part of the reason we didn't go farther is b/c I didn't have a bike seat for her. But she was safe, just riding on the handlebars.

That dream is directly related to this last twitter post, which I think sums it up nicely:

"i fix-xed my bike yesterday! and i used a book my dad gave me years ago. he bought it in Col. in 1971 after a few years of hitchhiking!"

dream

cool dream last night.

micky, micah, mike, katie m, brian and myself were sitting around at my mom's old house in dallas. we thought it would be cool to write a song for Sam. i was suddenly struck by a musical gift (see here for my actual musical talents) and i whipped out this sweet Gundam style guitar and played a really kick ass rift. needless to say it was very tenacious d (in that i don't remember it). then everyone, especially micah started throwing out lyrics about Sam. i was writing these lyrics down on the sides of boxes and on random pieces of paper as fast as i could. (again, at the time of the dream i knew the words and they were badass).

so we had these sweet lyrics and a kick ass song and everyone got their guitars and micah on the drums and we played it, and it was perfect.

as dreams will do, there was suddenly the urge to play the song for everyone, who were all in my backyard. we realized that we'd only practiced the song once and that they lyrics were strewn about the living room on random pieces of paper and cardboard. luckily brian was able to type them up in like 2 minutes. he made everyone a copy and we felt better about not really knowing the song.

we were going outside to play in front of everyone when i stopped the band and said that i had to pee. the next thing i knew i was in the kitchen of my mom's house peeing into this felt hat that i used to have (at my dad's house). i was done peeing and turned to the band and said "ok, i'm ready." Then we headed towards the door and as soon as we got outside i woke up in real life and realized that i peed in the dream because i had to go in real life.

sadly, when i went back to sleep i could not get back into the dream, i could hardly get back to sleep at all.

dreams

i had a crazy dream the other night. i woke up for work during the dream and was able to go back to sleep and back into the dream. i love doing that. i like the idea that i can control that subconscious element of my mind. one of my favorite blogs is the guy over at xkcd.com. his dream keyboard is so sick. i need to break out my old wireless keyboard and try it. i remember my dad reading me Richard Feynman books where the theoretical physicist talked about controlling his dreams.

more than that though, i remember thinking about what i used to call 'endless loops'. i'm not sure if that is the best way to describe them, but as a young boy that is what i came up with.
the first and most mind boggling is the size of the universe. i remember the first time i realized that everything i've ever seen has a definite size. a mountain is just so big, the ocean, the biggest thing i've ever seen in person- is only so big. the earth is huge, but still people talk about how many wigits they've sold and how many it would take to circle the earth 14 times. but the universe is not a box. i remember thinking that any notion of size or end, just doesn't work. there are only two things in the universe. things that have a limited size and the universe itself. i mean come on- never ending?! wtf?
anyway, that still blows my mind, and if my mom reads this she'll say "oh he's just like his father".

the other endless loop was about dreams. i would be lie in bed wondering what my dreams would be, only to realize that i couldn't know until it was already here.
"i wonder what i'm going to dream about"
"oh yeah, there is no way to know"
"oooo- but i wonder what it is going to be!"
"again- you can't know"
"yeah, but i'll know soon"
"ok, but you won't remember when you wake up"
"shit"
it pissed me off that i wouldn't remember. like the subconscious me and the black void of my sleeping mind were in on some kind of ethereal joke.


fuck. now i'm not going to be able to goto sleep.