upton-like

we met the new people who live in the upton house. they were cool. well really it was one guy and his friend. but later we spied on them from rabbit's window. i don't think i could do this without rabbit.

we had lunch, like i said yesterday, in Sam's honor. it was, and still is, really nice. let's see if i can break it down:

i brought some sushi and edamame
chris and jo brought beer bread and this crazy salmon thing that chris made
aaron came, went home to write a paper, gave up, then came back
mike was here in spirit
rabbit and ashley made japanese curry, rice and pie. and potatoes
brian and sadie came after they got off work
allison and kaylie came, bringing High Life and corn on the cob. and brocilii and cheese
hart and katie didn't leave until they had a few minutes to spend with us.

it was a good afternoon. now it is about 6 and the guys are playing munchkin, ashley is playing some PS2 game and josephine is wishing no one was playing munchkin. i'm listening to one of the best and underrated dylan songs ever, "the man in me".

i'm a little suprised that no one brought up Sam. i thought that we would have a toast or something. but maybe the night isn't over. we checked out the tree that grows in his ashes. it is not doing very well. i hope it does not die. in any other situation, i would not have a problem with replacing the tree, but in this case, his ashes are at the bottom of the pit we dug for it. and that isn't a piece of ground that i want to disturb. in the words of the bad guy from rocky iv: "if he dies, he dies". But that won't happen. we'll feed it and water it and it will be a 'big strong man' someday.

i've had a really great time today. one of the best parts of the day was the familiar feeling of me sitting on rabbit's bed talking to him about dead prez and badass tattoos we'd get if we were really RBG.

The long nights of sad and happy drinking and the packed parties and the roaches and the times we cleaned it up. and the LAN parties the cops the girls the secrets the grudges the problems the dreams and visions.
Long live Sam. Death to Cruisers! Long live the Upton flag, in its many pieces. And long live the ties that are written in stone with the lifeblood of that house.

Happy Birthday

i could write about how good the weekend is going. or how much i miss Sam on his birthday. but i don't fucking feel like it. i could write about how i'm glad to have Hart and Katie here. or i could write about how i forgot to put up pictures from the halloween party and tonight, but i dont fucking fee like it.

we all miss you Sam. we're having a lunch in your honor tomorrow. i don't know what i could bring that would do you honor and justice. but it really was our honor to know you and to be able to count ourselves among the few people that really knew you.

you should not have committed suicide. you didn't think so though.

what is sleep?

tonight we're sending off Mike Jaynes. he has been like a brother to me. tonight the flashback (our Cheers) will run red with the blood of the infidels...err..with the tastiest form of hops.

we have a special plan to honor mike and all that he has done and meant for us. but it is top secret. if you think you can/should know. then you should call me.

let us lookie back on some of his grander achievements.

• he was the one that broke the levee
• first night in nac? threw up in his own bed.
• he wakes up in odd places...*
• he rocked a really hard mullet. more than once.
• he is actually a poet and a romantic sonbitch.
• he fed the cats when sam was busy.
• he had a gay porn poster in his room because those were the rules to the bet. damnit all to anyone who didn't want to honor the sacred rules of the game "you have to hang this poster up if you're not in your room when we hang it up"
• he worked at sunshine* and is known to 98% of nac. the other 2% are the people who work the morning shift at sunshine

and now for some choice pictures of me and Mike:

us in austin. yeah, max fell asleep in the bar and got us kicked out.

journey o clock practice. they're practicing for the mid-party preformance i think.

RIP Sam.

Journey O Clock in the real.

naked party 05? 06? who remembers? we were too naked.

*X-rated. sorry folks
**the gas station version of Cheers.

new blogs galore

three new blogs (yes i too miss CU30S. but nothing that glitters lasts forever...golden...something...).

Anyway! Three new blogs!!!

:

brian's hardcore/movie/comic book loving mind can be found here

his tribute to our group of friends can be found here *

and brian (he loves making blogs!!) started a top 10 blog too

and what would the internet be without more reasons for why i'm awesome?**



* (122 was the address of Upton. Where we all lived. Including Sam.)
**jack shit is what it would be.

default

i haven't been much invested in blogging since Sam's death. i think that feeling goes beyond just my favor for bending the internet to my dark will through verbiage and metaphors. i have felt less creative in all aspects.
blessedly, my work has presented me with a million mindless tasks that don't require me to think too much*.

so. Sam's memorial. you'll remember that i went to Waco to be with the family about a week after Sam died. his parents** wanted to have a memorial/party/event in nacogdoches for the people that couldn't come to Waco (of which there were many many). so i set up a weekend (thanks YRUU training!!). the weekend was scheduled as follows:

thursday- one of my oldest and best friends came into town. she was here to support me during this really hard weekend.
friday- everyone comes into town. few people stay/party/hang out at my house*** and flashback
8- dinner with Sam's mom. she wanted a quiet dinner with his room mates and me. we ate really good food and it was just what she wanted.
saturday-
10 mow the yard
2- people come to my house. about 20 show up. and are soon joined by 10 more of Sam's friends from high school.
7- get everyone dry (pool time!) and head to Upton. where Sam lived. about 50 people there. his dad had Sam's ashes. we planted a Japanese Maple tree with some of Sam beneath the roots. his parents said a few words. we did a journey o clock.
8-went to Sushi Ya for 300 dollars worth of sushi that i ordered the week before.
11- back to my house and into the early morning.
sunday- everyone leaves.

on thursday night i had to work some play (read HAD to work some dumb kids play) so my sister's boyfriend went to get shea. thanks man! so clutch!

chris and i dug a hole for the tree. with what felt like a million eyes on us. the air was hot and sticky. i think those are the two things i'll remember most about that day.

the space at Sushi Ya was small and the food went quick. i ended up ordering 16 more rolls. i told the restauraunt that we would be 30. the space holds 30. we had 45. it was perfect. not everyone could sit, so it was very fluid. just like i had hoped. like many eateries in east texas, Sushi Ya does not have a liqueur liscense, so it is BYOB. that saved us a ton of money! everyone chipped in 10 bucks. or didn't. before we left i put 460 on my card and still have a wad of cash in my room.

it was good to see Hart's parents. Hart got a sweet Tsutomu tattoo.

at my house alone there were 8 empty 30 packs. that is 240 beers. and that doesn't include the 6 and 12 packs. or wine and liqueur. or what people brought to dinner.



*behind those small tediums are major endeavors
** i don't know how they're keeping it as together as they are
***it was brought to my attention yesterday that i need to have a not sad party at my house. one where everyone comes for a positive reason, or none at all. i agreed.

Sam

still hard to talk or write about Sam. i've constantly been with friends and family, so that has been good. my body feels strangely good considering that we've been either drunk or eating this entire week. i haven't seen much of my ultimate friends because they weren't very close to Sam, but i feel bad because they are close to me. i hope they know that as much as i love them, i need to be with my Upton* friends right now.

Sam's family has been really amazing. i don't know how i would react to losing someone in my family to a suicide, but i'm sure i would be more of a wreck than his mom and dad and his brother.

the hardest thing i've ever had to do is clean and pack up Sam's room. i got together at about 7 with my sister's boyfriend and a friend's mom (who is a nurse and had some supplies) went in alone and somberly cleaned up and removed carpet. we boxed all of his things for his family to claim. i'm proud that i was able to clean his room, like his parents wanted, and i know that a lot of people didn't want to do it. but i'm not sure i'll ever be able to really put that behind me. mike and brian saw him in his room, and i'm sure that what i did is nothing compared to that, but fuck i can't stop thinking about it and getting sad. before you worry about me too much, just know that every other thought of Sam makes me really happy to have known him. i always think of him smiling and talking. which is odd. because most people never heard him talk. or, at least all they saw was his stoic japanese facade.

one night we all (about 30 peeps) went to the front yard of Upton and passed a bottle of Jameson around and said something about Sam, what he meant to us and how he was so important. then we took a swig and poured one out for Sam**. that was nice, and very UU.

things of Sam's that i've taken for myself:
- Sam's green windmill shirts. In his very lengthy note, he gave many things to many people. i am proud to be on that list. this is what he said to me.

"Sean Bibby, I see you have found something you greatly enjoy, do not despair when we are gone, make a life for yourself and work to live, do not live to work. The green windmill shirt is yours, I know you liked it."

i don't know what he meant by "something you greatly enjoy". maybe my new girlfriend, certainly he knew how happy that made me. maybe he meant my job. maybe he knew about how much i'm looking forward to traveling. i don't know and i never will. i have the shirt. i plan on making a tattoo out of the design and then framing the shirt to pass down to my children.
- the knife i used to cut up the carpet
- his a Gundam figure that has yet to be assembled. (Geof Custom)
- a set of Resident Evil books that we're all going to read and pass around
- his guns. i'm just holding onto them for other people. as far as i know. his parents might want them destroyed. the gun he killed himself with has been destroyed. he was not a gun nut. he respected guns. his dad and i talked for a while about his japanese-ness and how the guns were his samurai swords. you had to know Sam to know how he related to his guns.
- his Half-Life cd and some other games that we both loved
- more? i'm not sure. some of his things i have in my car and i can't take them in yet. i don't want too many of his things to be in my room at once.

i'm ok. tonight is another night of hanging out with friends, but more importantly, my girlfriend is getting home from a 5 day trip to her brother's wedding in california. she should be in at 1ish and i should be waiting for her. it has been hard with her not here, but there have been plenty of friends to make up for it. dru especially. he came down that day and didn't leave. seeing him and having to be at work on friday really made me realize how much i need to travel. that's why i started this blog in the first place. so i'd be adept at blogging when i'm in X country, letting my family and friends know what i'm up to. dru and i talked a lot about how we are dissapointed with ourselves for having jobs and doing the default post college thing. well that is a post for another day i guess.

i miss you Sam.

Tsutomu.



*the house where Sam lived, along with mabeuf (years ago) and dru (years ago) and mike and so many other people that are mourning Sam. Upton is a noun, a verb and a passion. a passion that is now gone forever. no one who has ever lived there is ever going to live there again. no more rock star parties, or daft punk parties, hobo parties, mabeufapaloozas, or zombie jesus parties.
**i drank Sam's for him. he would have wanted that i think.

Sam

I'm going to be writing a lot about this as it gets easier to do. This will do for now.



This is an e-mail I wrote to Child's Play. Pass this along to whoever needs to read it. Not that a donation is expected from anyone or everyone, but I just wanted people to know.

http://www.childsplaycharity.org/

Hello, my good friend Samuel Colquitt committed suicide this past Friday. He was dealing with some depression caused by the loss of a recent break up. In his last note to family and friends he instructed for his video games to be given to Child's Play, along with systems and other things relevant. Being close to Sam and his family, I offered to help them make arrangements to take that wish of his one step further. In lieu of flowers being sent to his memorial service this Wednesday, we would like money donated to Child's Play in his name. Should I just send people to the CP homepage and let them use PayPal, or is there another system that would be a better fit for our situation. Will there be a way to know how much money has been donated in his name?

I want to thank Penny-Arcade for making this possible, and I to pass on our appreciation to you and your staff. Having something that we know Sam cared about means a lot to us as we grapple with this situation.

Best,
sean bibby + friends

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Hi Sean,

We're very sorry to hear about Sam.

Donations can be processed through the Child's Play website, as you mentioned, or mailed to us directly at:

Child's Play

12317 15th Ave NE

Suite 108

Seattle WA 98125

In this particular situation, it would be helpful if people can include a note or email to let us know that the donation is on behalf of Samuel, and we can then send a letter to his family letting them know. Please provide their mailing address if you'd like us to do so.

Regarding Sam's gaming equipment, we unfortunately are unable to accept used items directly. Usually we encourage people to sell their used gaming equipment through eBay and donate the proceeds to use via MissionFish. I understand if that would be more stress than you really want to take on at this time, though, so I suggest instead that you maybe could contact your local hospital and donate his equipment directly on behalf of Sam and Child's Play.

Depending where you are located, it might be possible to add your local children's hospital to the Child's Play network, in Sam's memory.

Regards,

Kristin Lindsay
Penny Arcade, Inc.
Project Manager